10 Things I’d Tell My Single 20-Something Self Now That I’m in My 45  and UP

Let’s keep it real—your 20s can be a wild ride. Between heartbreaks, hustle culture, and the pressure to “have it all figured out,” it’s easy to lose yourself in the chaos. Now that I’m in my 50’s,  I can look back with a mix of grace, humor, and a lot of side-eye at the choices I made. If I could sit down with my 20-something single self over a glass of wine (or maybe a green juice), here’s what I’d tell myself:

1. Stop Rushing Love.

You don’t need to find “the one” by a deadline. Love isn’t a race—it’s more like a slow dance. Take your time. Desperation attracts lessons, not partners. Breakdown: When you move too fast or settle quickly just to be with someone, you often end up in relationships that teach you hard lessons, rather than ones that last.

2. Protect Your Peace.

Just because someone wants access to you doesn’t mean they deserve it. Learn to say no without guilt. Peace > people-pleasing. Breakdown: You’re allowed to protect your time, energy, and well-being—even if it disappoints others. Saying “no” is healthy, not rude.

3. Learn to Enjoy Your Own Company.

Being single isn’t a waiting room for marriage. Travel solo. Take yourself to dinner. Laugh out loud at your own jokes. You’re not alone—you’re with you. Breakdown: Live now. Love your own presence. You don’t need a relationship to feel complete, worthy, or happy.And ironically, that’s when the most meaningful connections begin to show up…”
→ Here’s the twist: when you stop chasing love or attention to feel whole, you actually start attracting healthier, deeper relationships. Why? Because you’re not coming from a place of lack—you’re coming from overflow.

4. Stop Dimming Your Light to Make Others Comfortable.

Shrink for no one. The right people will be inspired by your shine, not intimidated by it. Be bold. Be loud. Be you. Breakdown: Be bold. Be loud. Be you.”
This is a reminder to be unapologetically yourself. Bold in your choices, loud in your expression, and true to who you are. No one else is meant to live your life, so don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to dim your light.

5. Date for Purpose, Not Potential.

Sis, you are not Build-A-Man Workshop. Potential doesn’t pay the emotional rent. Date someone who shows up already built—mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Breakdown: Date someone who shows up already built—mentally, emotionally, spiritually.”
Look for someone who is already mentally, emotionally, and spiritually aligned with the kind of life and relationship you want. They should already be in a place where they can offer you stability, maturity, and a partnership based on mutual respect and love—not someone you’ll have to wait on to grow or improve

6. Take Care of Your Body.

Your knees and metabolism will one day write you a thank-you note—or a warning letter. Start now. Move your body, nourish your soul, drink water, and stretch. (Seriously. Stretch.) Breakdown: Your knees and metabolism will one day write you a thank-you note—or a warning letter.”
As you get older, you’ll start to feel the effects of how you’ve treated your body over the years. If you’ve been kind to it—by staying active, eating well, and resting enough—your body will thank you. But if you’ve neglected it, those little aches and slowed metabolism may come back to remind you to take care of yourself. It’s your body’s way of sending a signal.

7. Travel Far and Often.

Your schedule is yours. Your passport is begging for stamps. Don’t wait for the “right time” or the “right person.” Just go. Breakdown: Your schedule is yours.” You control how you spend your time. Don’t let the demands of everyday life, work, or obligations stop you from living your life to the fullest. Time is precious, and the moments you create through travel are irreplaceable. You have the power to plan and create the experiences you want.

8. Chemistry Isn’t Compatibility.

That butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling? Sometimes it’s just anxiety in cute packaging. Look for peace, not just passion. Breakdown: “Chemistry Isn’t Compatibility.”
Just because you feel a strong attraction or spark with someone doesn’t automatically mean they’re a good long-term match for you. Chemistry can be exciting and intense, but compatibility is about shared values, emotional safety, and the ability to build a life together. “Look for peace, not just passion.“
Passion is great, but peace is what sustains a healthy relationship. A partner who brings calm, consistency, emotional safety, and mutual respect will always be more valuable than someone who just makes your heart race but leaves your spirit unsettled.

10. You Are Already Enough.

You don’t need a ring, a title, or a social media highlight reel to validate your worth. You are whole, complete, and worthy just as you are. Period. “Period.”
This is a powerful, final punctuation to say: There’s nothing more to add. No exceptions, no conditions. Your worth is not up for debate.

                                                                                          Final Thoughts:

Being single in your 20s isn’t a problem—it’s a playground. It’s where you plant the seeds for the woman you’ll become. So love yourself deeply, laugh often, and live fully. Because one day, your 4o and up,  will look back and say, “We did alright.”